Just Dreaming |
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Saturday, September 20, 2003
Friday, September 19, 2003
Why Worry "Why should I worry, when I can pray." (Luciano, from Where There Is Life) God, I love that. Not that I feel inclined to worry today, anyway.... Still, I love that. Thursday, September 18, 2003
Darling Be Home Soon Fumbling around in a box of CDs, I came across one, which had been special at the time, to my friend and I. This afternoon, sitting in a meeting, it came to me. It all comes down to it, really: "Someone to talk to....." Now, there are various kinds of someones to talk to, and I definitely have some. In fact, I can recall times when I didn't have near the opportunities to talk, that I do now..... (Which, as a basically shy person, is a good thing.) However, every blue moon in one's life, you might find someone who is particularly special to talk to, for different reasons. They feel the same, loving to talk with you just as much. Then, my limited brain thinks, years later, when for whatever reason that doesn't work any more, apparently, "what happened?" Darling Be Home Soon. Why does every best friend have to turn out a temporary friend? That's so unsatisfying! You think five years is a long time? What about all the other years? I mean, there are certainly a lot of five years, coming up. Why just stop? It's stupid! It's a cop out. It leaves bad memories, a bad taste in your mouth... The sweetest person turns cold, loses her touch, becomes brittle and uncommunicative. Why? Hmm, if they had awards, you could say, "Best friend for a little while." "Best not quite long-term friend, you thought would be there for you. And isn't." "Was incredible." I suppose you could look at it like a film role. Lord, she was great, but then she lost it... Whatever happened to .... one's best friend. "Sorry, your time is up." Part of my problem today is, I got too happy yesterday! So I wore myself out. Does this happen to other people? Is this why people turn their back on their supposedly wonderful friend? Too happy, sorry, can't do it any more. Silence. Might have been too much for her......... back to her calmer life. And me to mine. That's The Secret! Having had a most boring, un-tasty meal for lunch, I went over to ask a co-worker how she'd liked her lunch. "Just soup, pretty good," she replied. Then, I told her, as we've been talking about ways to lose a few pounds, that I had actually thrown out part of my lunch (very unusual for me) since it was boring, and I wasn't enjoying it. Then, thinking, she exclaimed "Always eat bad food, that's the secret!" The thing is, when people are breaking up with each other, they're generally upset. So, they're not likely to talk with each other. In fact, they may quite possibly actively avoid talking. So, if whatever they think is untrue, perhaps as a result of a misunderstanding, how are they ever going to find that out? Bios - Better Or Worse I've been watching a few biography type programs recently (which oddly go by different names, even though most of them were on the Biography channel.) I've found that usually, a program will make me like whoever it is, better, or worse. Hard to tell how accurate they are, of course. And even the most flattering ones almost always dig up at least one item of dirt to share. I think I'd hate to have a biography program done on me, if I became famous. Anyway, here's a small list of bios which made me feel better or worse about their subject: Better: Adam West.. Even though I never cared for the original Batman, finding it dumb, I was sort of curious. So I TiVo'd it. I found him slightly interesting, and likable. I wonder how much of the likability can be attributed to his beautiful, winning daughter, Nina, though. They interviewed her a lot for his bio, and she painted a positive picture of every chapter of his life. Vivian Leigh.. I didn't like her much in Gone With The Wind, too bitchy. However, she seemed like an interesting character, and it seemed quite curious that we hadn't seem more of her, besides that movie. I liked her in the bio. She was voted the prettiest girl in her convent, but apparently was quite down to earth then. Maureen O'Hara.. In the original Parent Trap, Maureen struck me as considerably more attractive than the younger actress who was supposed to be better looking than her. Anyway, I TiVo'd her bio, and found her very likable. Good Catholic woman, fine actress, and a woman with a lot of character. Plus that flaming red hair! Worse: Lana Turner.. They made her out a disgusting slut, who didn't do much to protect her daughter from the numerous lecherous men she preferred. Married something like 8 or 9 times, with a mouth like a hooker. Ick. (If their portrayal was accurate.) Clara Bow.. I liked her better than Lana, but she still seemed very, very slutty. I have some sympathy for her, but I don't find this It girl particularly likable any more. W.C. Fields.. I wasn't a big fan of him, but thought he might be interesting. Hmm, he didn't seem very likable. I really wonder if these impressions are accurate. I'd say the O'Hara and Leigh ones are... but the others, it just depends on how accurate the portrayals were. Blogging to Destruction I knew this girl who was pretty much the opposite on her blog, as she was in email. Fairly cold on blog, and very warm in private. So, to me, she seemed much warmer before she devoted much of her writing to her blog. As time went on, she got colder, even in private. It's odd, because she I think would say she got happier. But to me, she sure didn't seem like it. She seemed to have lost something very special, something we shared. It's a shame. Seems like the blog (as I write one myself!) led to the destruction of our relationship. Very sad.... I think. The best friend in the world. Then, faded, faded, going, going, losing that special feeling. Is it like a beautiful flower? Blooming brilliantly, then growing towards it's death. Why? According to my Chinese (supposed) profiles, one of the things I dislike most, is being ignored. Actually, I'm generally not ignored by anyone I care about one way or the other. Imagine how I might feel if someone I cared about a lot told me I was being ignored. Could I possibly feel happy about this? If that person did this with a smile, would that feel better? Wow. Life's so strange. Two Theories 1) Models. I've noticed, seemingly models are prized for being thin, and having smallish breasts and hips. Most fashion designers are men, and most of those seem to be gay. So, maybe the gay men designers prefer women as models, who look more like guys. (Of course, the problem with this theory is, increasingly, fashion designers are women. That's not the problem though. The problem is, they choose the same types of women as models. So why do they do it? Maybe they're following fashion... ;-)) 2) Slash. Slash is a popular slightly underground pastime, for mainly heterosexual women. Two guys, usually guys from popular culture (like fictional TV or movie characters) are turned into suddenly gay or bisexual males in fan written fictional stories. Now, why would woman do this? I'm thinking, some women writers (like JK Rowling with her Harry - not slash but male-identification) like to identify with male characters, and may even see themselves as males, fictionally speaking. However, that same woman is still mainly attracted to males, romantically, and sexually, so... As a woman pretending to be a man in fiction, they want a man, just like they want a man in real life. Thus, slash. Women writing male on male fiction. For themselves and other women. Wednesday, September 17, 2003
The Monstro Around The Corner There's a certain woman here now, with a low, very un-feminine voice. I know she smokes, and I wonder if that's part of what's made her voice sound like that. Anyway, she just made a sound, and I thought to myself, "what a Monstro.." Which seemed quite funny at the time! Sometimes, it's really good to have bizarre thoughts in one's otherwise normal, everyday life. Oh man, I was just thinking, maybe she really *is* a monster! She's a monster animagus, and isn't very good at it. So, she never quite transforms back into a female human. She still sounds monstro-ish. (And people wonder why I'm sitting at my desk laughing quietly to myself....) Love Is Real Finding my groove in one of my George Jones selections CDRs this afternoon, I was just thinking to myself, as George started "It Don't Get Any Better Than This," "Sure don't!" No one does it for me in country the way George Jones can. He's amazing. So smooth, and yet, he has something extra no one else does. So, I'm listening along, and in comes Johnny Cash, with his couple of lines and a cough. God bless him. He was one of those guys, along with George Jones, who you wonder how they possibly lived into their 70s. George Jones brings out my love, for those I've loved... The loves of my life. I don't know if I'll ever understand how those things come, then they go. Why does true love ever have to end? Is there a love between a man and a woman that doesn't ever fade away.... My love is so real - - "Today is a time to be happy." Sometimes, horoscopes sound sort of like fortune cookies. :-) How about this one: "You're on fire in your own cool way." Of course. ;-) I haven't written here for a while... hmm. No reason. Just didn't feel inclined to, I guess. Just got another free astrological profile, and part of it was this: "Venus in Aquarius: You love your friends and express your affection for them easily." I do. |
