Just Dreaming |
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Saturday, April 19, 2003
Inside Out What a reversal..... For the past ten years or so, my life, my social life, on-line has been more lively than my social life in person.... The last several months, and accelerating since I've moved, this has been reversing. I've lost touch with on-line friends, or they lose touch with me, it seems. At the same time, and actually for a while, I'm getting more social in person. People keep being after me to do this or that, or just talk. A lot more than at any time, since college, I'd say. I had my cliques then, I floated in and out of. Hmm, I had quite a reggae clique too for quite a while.... However that came mostly from on-line, and flowed over to in person relationships... Hmm, mostly - with other music relationships sort of by chance. Now, I suppose because I haven't been active in any musical discussion or fan groups for a while, that hasn't happened for a while. I seem to be mellowing out here.... I still very much do my own thing, and couldn't care what's cool now, or was, or will be. So, why do people like me? Ha h ahaha!! It's a mystery. My life's turning inside out.  It's Spring, across my field... The last two days have been so beautiful.. I sat in the seats at Alpenrose Stadium last night, watching the sunset, then the lights in the West Hills... just gorgeous... Thursday, April 17, 2003
I feel so happy tonight... I sure wish Laura or someone was around. I don't know what's with me, feeling so sociable lately. It's weird! To Talk To Girls can drive you crazy! They're kind of fun though. Nice to talk to. :-) Yeah! Dodgers won, too! Came back in the bottom of the 8th! Two wins in a row, a Dodger fan has to celebrate that, the way this year's going! Your Best Friend What's the saying, "you ought to be your own best friend.." Isn't it something like that? Well it makes sense. If you can like and entertain yourself, and be comfortable with yourself, at least most of the time, that's good. Be your own best friend. You're always there, every time, incredibly reliable. You're charming and cool. Good looking too - it doesn't hurt. He hee he.. Well it's true isn't it? Who better to be your friend? People When I moved here, one thing I had a slight hesitation about..... I was thinking, in my old place, "Hmm, I have all these people around me here, even though I live by myself." Most of the people I liked best who had lived there, had moved away. Still, it was a thought. Now, here I am in my "new" house, more separate than ever...... However, my new neighbors are all around. They're pretty friendly too. I mean, I have five houses closeby, which each have people I could talk to... I ran into one of them at the park this evening, even. Just a little conversation. Nothing really, for most people. How is this though, me, small talk? It seems sort of unreal. I like it though.... there are people all around, now. And me in my private space, when I want it.. Wednesday, April 16, 2003
To Live & Love "It does not do, to dwell on dreams... and forget to live." Just watched Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone for the first time.. That girl, Hermione, is the best - smart and sweet. I liked Harry too. Quiet, yet heroic inside... I don't think I've been posting as much lately? Just haven't been at my PC that much.. Wow, Ernie Kovacs is *weird*! I like it. It's fun actually watching the original shows, not just little snippits - about the "genius" of Kovacs' humor. Which he created in his 30's - and died in his Corvair, on January 13, 1962, at 42. Most of the musical acts are annoying though - only some intentionally. Best to watch it prerecorded. Tuesday, April 15, 2003
A New Me??/! Ugh! Some new guy just came up from the IT department, wanting to talk to me. "Yet another upgrade??!" I think to myself, warily. No... He wanted to tell me, he noticed me, and his name is Matthew Moore- [something].... He has one of those hyphenated names, and that was his mother's last name.... Too weird!! He's talking, I'm shaking his hand (he insisted) and he pulls out his driver's license to show me, as if to prove it. Oh man, too weird. Mystified Hmm, I seem to be mystified pretty often, don't I? Lately I've been really mystified, at how (some) women really seem to like me, as I am. I know I'm not at my best, and I seem to be finally getting motivated to work on that more vigorously. I suppose I've even started it a little. I don't understand though. They like me, *now*? Hmm, at least I've had some good experiences, and surprising ones, lately. I might write about that, or at least about last weekend, some, later. I was planning to, I just never did... Too much to do, too much on my mind...I'm mystified! The Way They Really Are Sometimes, I get these flashes of the way women actually are, as opposed to my idealized versions. I wonder.... Perhaps it's just as unwise to think some repulsive qualities I've seen are true natures of women, or any more representative than my personal positive stereotypes of them. Lord knows, I wouldn't want to be lumped in with "all the other men", most of which I am not like, and happily do not identify with. It's just that.... Women creatures are different. So, I look for common threads and seem to see them. Just like all men are not necessarily dogs, all women shouldn't be seen as sluts, even though obviously some are - more than I'd hoped I suppose. I know lots of jerk guys though, which doesn't make any particular guy a jerk, necessarily. So all women are not sluts. Some are, yeech. |
