Just Dreaming |
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Friday, March 21, 2003
Thursday, March 20, 2003
"Wouldn't It Be Nice" This morning, getting a bite to eat and readying myself for work, I looked out my kitchen window to see my little tree, sunsplashed, sprouting ever bigger tiny green leaves. Spring is arriving. Maybe that's why I can't stop thinking about my love life lately. Up through now, for a while, my approach has seemed to be "Wouldn't It Be Nice." I identified a favorite, and then some alternates. "Wouldn't it be nice" for her and I to be together? Except.... for... Two things: 1) My target(s) are not even "available" (they're attached.) 2) Even given her (their) status, I had no "plan". Just, "Wouldn't it be nice." Great Beach Boys' song. Lousy love life plan. Wednesday, March 19, 2003
A Tiny Buzz I've been writing too much lately. Here and in email. It's fun to trade emails sometimes. Writing monologues isn't so great. It's kind of like writing in your blog, except that you don't have any thought that your blog is going to answer you. It's more of a journal, an exposition, an exhibit, perhaps entertainment at times. Email is more like communication. On a completely different topic, I took a nice, relaxing walk this morning. I've felt a tiny buzz of good feeling since. I want to win the lottery. I suppose that means I have to buy a worthless lottery ticket or two. The Trouble With Winter The trouble with winter is, people get more depressed by all the cold and grey, as the season wears on. By now, it's gotten really old. Despite the occasional flowers and blossoms here now, it's still mostly dark and damp. Back east, it's a lot worse. Every year, for instance, my New England friend Laura seems to become more distant in January, February and March particularly. With spring, she comes back to life (so do I, as matter of fact.) It's great. In the meantime though, things are pretty quiet. Same here... Like, I've met my new neighbors, on the occasional nice day, or chance meeting. However I haven't seen any of them much so far though, since it's usually cold or rainy, or both. Too much isolation, that's the trouble with winter. small talk Actually, I "know" she would like to talk with me more. I just know it. I think she's the cutest, sweetest little thing around here. Problem is, I never seem to say much when I'm in her vicinity - I get shy then. Plus, I don't know what to say. Small talk, ugh!! Plus, she's not in a place I just walk by, or that is nearby really. So it's a little hard to just happen to stop by all the time. Still, I'd like to have some (more) inconsequential talks.. Not Good Ugh! As if things weren't going badly enough, first thing this morning, I have the timing to walk right past a favorite crush, walking with someone I can't stand... This is not good. Of course she smiled at me.... Ugh though! Just what I needed. Tuesday, March 18, 2003
Doctor Duckler We have a short, mussed up hair man come here now and then, and he gets called on the intercom, "Doctor Duckler.." That's his real name! Ha hahahaa... I'm quite obsessive.... After reading all the descriptions of life in Vietnam, and also vacationing in Vietnam - the stifling heat, etc., I keep asking, "well then, why did you go there?" It might be kind of interesting to read about, but really it doesn't sound that fun to me. Avril Popping Up I didn't realize when I got into Avril how big she seems to be these days... Mentions on blogs, appearing in girls' dreams, magazine covers, videos, interviews. Ah well, can't help that. I just like her songs, and her singing. I find her not boring too. Says she doesn't have a boyfriend now either, another cool thing about her. I relate. Monday, March 17, 2003
Moods Like The Weather  My moods very much follow patterns like today's weather. I've posted photos of part of it - the fog, spring-like sunshine, and the rainbow. In between, we also had lighting, a little after 5PM while Bush was speaking, and dark clouds.. Like the weather, sometimes within the same day, I go that way. It's exciting sometimes. Although, I like nice and mellow calm emotions, a lot. Maybe I Can Believe I don't know whether to laugh or to cry. Perhaps I should wake up to the opportunities around me? Can I believe that they're real? Hmm, I am actually in my place. It's very real. Maybe I can believe in love... Dark Clouds Return The clouds have come back... The noon-time Spring sun was only a tease, like a girl. The dark clouds are back. Harmony  It's a beautiful (almost) spring day out here, the fog having melted away. Even the birds are singing.... Still I'm sad. I wish things were better. I wish for harmony. In my personal life, professionally, all over beyond me. Names Looking onto a sheet of paper in front of me, the first name at the top is a "Laura". My friend. A couple names down, there's a "Denise", a girl I dated all of once I think, in college. Then, "Nancy", a much older woman secretary I used to take for dinner now and then. Catch Every One "The cache of computer and paper files found in the house where Mohammed was living has turned out to be �a mother lode� of information, said one intelligence official. It has provided �hundreds of leads� about the organization�s financial pipelines, funders, followers, movement of operatives and targets..." Cool! I hope they catch every one of those 'evil doers'. They should learn to love. Actually, I should learn to love better - that's another topic though. I think basically, they picked a fight with the wrong people. They might want to ask themselves why they are losing their battle...Their whole premise is wrong. They should learn from us, from our culture, and everything underpinning it. (Not that I expect that to happen or anything - that would be logical though.) Wait, wait, wait.... I feel for everyone directly involved in the coming conflict too. All those guys sitting out there, waiting and waiting. If there must be a war, I do wish there were more of them there - seems like it would be less risky with a larger force initially. We'll see. As we wait, and wait, and wait.... Lousy  I've always been pretty lousy at relationships. Hey, maybe *that* could change???!!! (Urgh, now my back is stressing...) Romance First, Friendship Follows That *is* the way it seems to work for me. If I am first friends, then the romance never works out. However, start with a romance, then friendship might follow. In the mean time, you have the romance, which is fun... "Are you in a good mood?" she would often ask. My answer today, "Not really." Who can be in a really good mood, right now? The waiting is driving me nuts. It feels very tense, and I think the feeling is world wide. We'll Be Together  All that being said, I'd still love to have my dream girl in my arms, right now. OK, I can wait until this evening. She'll be perfect. Perfect....at least until I get to know her better. Ha, as if anyone can ever be a dream. She can only be a reality. A dream in unreal. Hmm, I don't really believe that. It may be logical but I don't believe it. My dream girl is real - and her and I will be together. I can't say when, exactly. That's besides the point. Double Standards All Over A man wants his wife (or his girl, his dream girl) to be innocent to the outside world, but the opposite, to him personally. A woman wants her man to provide for her - and also wants to compete for the same job with him. Both seem sort of illogical. Logic doesn't work that well between the sexes though!! You can try to use it all you want - it doesn't work. Engage and Connect "You may find yourself compelled to find new meaning or purpose in your life, or seek new ways to engage and connect." (For this week.) Good advice, for me. Deal With It Ugh, I just lost a post... Blogger seems less reliable lately... I was writing about change. One can't control it. You just have to allow for it - and deal with it. Sunday, March 16, 2003
Trade For Blair I like P.M. Blair. I wish we could trade for him. Andy Rooney of CBS recently recalled liberating Paris in 1944, "French women showered American soldiers with kisses, at the very least." I love French women. ;-) Clouds Gather Daily  I love watching the weather.... I could dance around the dining room. Haven't yet. I could though... The clouds gather daily now. "Not able or unfit to live in company..." - - A woman who enjoys being alone just said that. I like her.... I wish I could have a friend, who's my lover. I seem to get a friend, or a lover, but not both. Hmmmm.... |
