Just Dreaming |
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Monday, April 08, 2002
Between Times  When you imagine a relationship with someone, you can make it however you want. You can imagine they like what you like. She wants to listen to whatever music I choose. (Actually, I have had that, but it didn't work for other reasons. *That* part was great though!) She likes sex when I like it, and she likes to do what I like to do. She recognizes that I'm an excellent lover, and I am in part, because she loves me so. She wants to be with me, exactly as much as I want to be with her. She wants to be by herself, at the same times I want to be by myself. She loves to go to exactly the same places I do, on vacation. She has the same goals for retirement. We love each other's families. She's as loyal to me as I am to her, there's no question ever. She's strong, yet sweet. Feminine, but not weak by my side. She's lovely. She makes my lunch, and buys me shirts. I do things I am best at, in our relationship. She does things she is best at, in our relationship. This sharing works out perfectly. I think she even likes the Dodgers. She loves the foods, and the interesting places I like to go to eat. She finds ones too, that we both love. The unusual spots, the best and coolest ones in town and out. We laugh at all the odd little things we see on our travels, and in our everyday lives together. We plan to find a charming vacation cabin in the mountains, not far from a little creek. In our love, we are like two kids finding real love for the first time - it's that special. Even our cherished past first loves cannot compare. We're "it." She's amazed at all the cool music I've gathered for us. She loves my taste, and I happily provide us with the best music for any mood. Our joint resources are just right for our wants and needs for our life. We look forward to the rest of our lives together, as neither of us has ever felt in the past, or will feel in the future. She's as delighted as I am that we've found each other, at last. Between times, a person can make up a fantasy relationship, where everything is perfect. No matter that it's not real. It's still fun to think about. It can give a person hope they will find at least some of those dream characteristics, in the next real life relationship they find themselves falling into, down the road. Reality and fantasy, two different things, and each has a time and place in one's life. @@#!!! Clock Change I think the clock change Saturday night has thrown me off. I'm all sleepy today...... I did have an unusual dream in the twilight last evening. I felt sleepy yet unsettled. Laying on top of my waterbed for a moment, I unexpectedly drifted off. I found myself laying on the grass in the yard of my house. I could hear some children singing, seemingly coming closer, on the other side of the fence. I looked over to my right, and a boy(or was it a girl?) was sitting there, and now I seemed to be lounging on a big couch, and that youngster was on the other end. I think they were putting on a play (performance?) and he had just finished his part and sat down. I was delighted at the thought of some sort of singing dramatic production being done (in rehearsal?) right in front of me. Suddenly in fluttered another person, mid-high school age I'd guess, sharp and gifted, and unusual. The voices I heard sounded distinctly like girls voices, singing lightly. When I looked over, I noted this other youngster had sat crowded next to the first one at the end of the couch I was lounging on. "Better pull my arm back a little so they'll have room," I thought. So I started pulling myself back a little. Then I woke up! Ugh! I wanted to see their play!! That was an interesting creative interlude, anyway. Double Standard  I've just had occasion to think about this topic. What if I really like someone, who I know is married, say. Let me think.. Years back I used to like a married woman or two, ones I would go to lunch with at work. I never really thought I would be *with* them realistically, so I never actually considered whether we would be compatible as mates. I just liked them. Maybe in one case, I could have been really attracted to one. I might think to myself, "she's so nice looking, and nice to me, what a wife she'd make." However, I didn't really know her very well, and I knew all the while that I would never marry her (no, I am not a home-wrecker!) It was the pure fantasy of thinking to myself what a neat wife she'd make, while at the same time we were friends, which was attractive to me. I never really had to ask myself the tougher questions, because inside I knew, it was never going to happen. I guess I still do this. If I find a woman, a girl, attractive, and we're good friends, I think "wow what a good wife she'd make. She understands me, she likes me and I like her. Perfect." For me it might be a fun fantasy. Since I know that she won't be my wife, as she is already someone else's, I needn't worry. Hmm, then there's the in-betweens. Like a girl who came into my office unexpectedly earlier. We like each other on a superficial level. In a way, I could think of her as a dream girl. She likes me, I like her, and she's nice looking. However, she's also in a serious non-married relationship. So her heart really isn't available to me. So, I don't really have to get down to thinking, "Yes, but would this really work? Could I keep her happy? Could she keep me happy?" I have thought about it a little more with her, because at least there's some chance her current relationship could break off, as she's not married yet. I don't really know her well enough to know if it would be a fit or not... I think probably not, but I'm not all the way sure. Finally, there are the actual possible prospects.. Like one I started seeing last year. Since we were both "available" I found I was much rougher in judging whether a relationship with her would work. All the tough questions. "Could I live with her?" "Is she my type?" Several others too, I found myself asking. It's so much easier when you don't ask yourself such questions.. I kind of wonder if I might at least wait longer into a real potential relationship, to start asking myself these questions, and really examining this "potential mate." So, I do have different standards.. Usually, I am not going to put an out of reach woman through my set of "compatibility" questions. She normally has it easier that way. There's no reason to. She needn't be totally compatible for living every day with me, as she's not going to. Retroactively Sometimes, I wish I could apply all I've learned about relationships, to my last big one. Why is it *now* I can see clearly things I could have done differently? I would say those are lessons for the future. Hmm, I can't see the value of committing the same mistakes someone else has committed on us, either. If someone has broken my heart at some point, does that make it easier for me to break someone else's heart? I hope not. That seems like the opposite of learning to live better... It's like learning to hurt better. Life is harder when you're living it, than looking back at it! "Hey, I should have done that..." It's almost as if a person has to do foolish things, then later realize.. I honestly wish I could apply my lessons retroactively. Something else, I might forget sometimes... To have fun! Kazuhisa Ishii Kazu had a great debut for the Dodgers Saturday, with ten strikeouts. He allowed no runs, too. Seems Ishii is known for coming through when it really counts, an attribute I admire. It was quite a weekend for a Dodger fan. Three straight victories, and actually going back to Thursday, four strong pitching performances in a row. The Dodgers have always been known for their strong pitching, and it looks like this year, they're getting back to their roots in that regard. I really like this team. They're off today, and will be up in SF tomorrow. A lot of people seemed to be really down on my team after the first three games, which were losses. Someone even tried to talk me into abandoning them for someone more local, on Friday morning. Not a chance! Sunday, April 07, 2002
Madly Delightful I just watched the last little bit of "You're a Big Boy Now", from 1966. What a delightfully bizarre little movie.... Dodgers won this afternoon, their third in a row.. Things are looking up. |
