Just Dreaming |
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Saturday, February 16, 2002
Rest? I'm so tired.. Just too many days in a row with things I have to do - work, family obligations.. I'm hoping Sunday will be a respite, this week. MSN actually has some good "singles/dating" sorts of articles. I haven't decided if I ever really want to go through the hassle. Probably at some point I imagine though. I like girls too much not to forever. From MSN: "Men are generally looked upon by women as guilty until proven innocent: a possible rapist, abuser, weirdo, jerk, stalker, geek, etc" I thought so!! Hmm, yesterday was my least connected with women day in quite some time. I am not sure why. Maybe I looked ugly or something. Extremely grumpy/scary? Girl of my dreams... seven years from now. "You only need one." Friday, February 15, 2002
My "Rough CDRs" The good thing about my rough CDRs is that they're quick. Plus I get something out of my PC and into my CRV for listening. I get a better chance to listen to songs more to decide if I really like them. I'll sometimes discover certain ones I really love. However, there are downsides too! Usually I put little effort into looking for things which go together. So, they don't. These CDs are really choppy. Each one will have it's own flavor. No matter what, they're still mood dependent too. Like today, it's unreasonably bright out. Just, over bright, like a halogen light turned up way too high and hurting your eyes, making you crazy. I have my sunglasses, but I didn't enjoy that really. So anyway, I went out driving at lunch to listen, on the way to a little walk. Ugh, the first few songs of the CD I just posted about, those titles, were pretty useless. Just not my mood at all, and I have my doubts about that CDR now altogether. Luckily I only listened to part of it, so there's hope for next time.... I'm sure glad I made two CDs last night, because the other one, "Feb 2002 Rough CDR 1" was more like it, today. Yes, the few Pavement songs at the start of that one hit the spot....I'm pretty stressed, but the harder stuff seems better on this bright, breezy, brittle, parched day. She Didn't Say Goodbye I call my brother's place, or at least I think I do. An unknown woman answers. "Hmm, well maybe Daniel has a new girlfriend," I think to myself. So I reply, "Hi, I'm looking for Daniel." She's puzzled, "Who?" "Oh I'm sorry, I must have reached the wrong phone number." Her reply? She hung up. Ack! I hate that. I almost always say something like, "oh OK. Bye." If it's a nice sounding girl, I'll say it especially friendly. But always politely... Wow, I just saw a new photo of Britney Spears, in a cute little hat. I've never thought much about her, but she looks cute in this one. I was just thinking, if she started emailing me, like she did that English prince, I'd write her back. That would be fine with me. But if someone like that wrote you, how would you ever know it was really her? Valentines Tales Ha, my workmate is in telling of his adventures delivering flowers yesterday... Every year, he takes Valentines Day off to go deliver flowers for his mother-in-law's flower shop.. He he... They give him all the hard to find and out of the way deliveries.. So he comes in with the stories each year. This year, he had a delivery at the downtown building we used to work in, the 200 SW Market building, a moderate dark glass framed skyscraper. When he walked in, he saw two nice looking women in their fairly short skirts.. Now that's the building I fondly remember. Last night, my legs were sore, and I felt very strange. So I just laid down, no plan to do anything.. Although I had talked to my daughter on the phone. I had a short dream, then I knew, I should get up and take her some place. I called, and she was really excited.. After picking her up, I asked her, "where should we go?" I had a number of different ideas. It was very clear and the stars were out shining beautifully for the city. So maybe a walk, but where? And it was pretty windy.. Or we could just go for a good long drive. I didn't care. We had about an hour before she needed to get home, so... She replied, "Oh, so you just wanted to get out of the house?" No, I thought to myself, I just wanted to give you some attention on Valentines Day, because I know you, and I have a feeling this would be important to you.. "Right", I replied. I was actually feeling kind of grumpy still, but trying not to be. "Let's go to the mall," she suggested. Immediately I switched turn signals, and turned left instead, out of their quiet little road. Good, I was thinking, we can walk around over there, and maybe get my mom a card or two.. She liked the plan, as she loves card shops. She loves to look at many different cards. In a card shop, she's like I used to be in a good record store. I think she could spend hours in there, if you'd let her. Washington Square was very quiet. It was almost spooky, like some weird Twilight Zone or something. For me, at least there were some good sights though, the best, well, the only good thing about malls, from my perspective. We chose a couple cards for my mom, who's still in the hospital, and will be a while longer I guess. (Later last night I was thinking, I'm really not that good about such things. I don't know what to do. I'm not a very good nurse... At the hospital last week before my mom's surgery, my brother Daniel commented that he had once thought of becoming a nurse (which my mom was earlier.) Now, this was a surprise! Although, he's a lot better at taking care of a sick or injured person than me. I just want it to be done, her to be better, and to go on with life..) I also snuck in a third card intended for my daughter. She saw that I'd gotten another, but I don't think she saw which, or why.. After that, we went and walked.. I really could use another gift for my mom's birthday this week too... But I wasn't in the mood for that, really. My daughter is so much fun to walk with though. I can feel like the grouchiest man on earth when I go to pick her up, and she treats me like I am the best. Which melts whatever woes I was feeling beforehand.. As we were walking, and I was checking out the young women, and other people at the mall, sometimes, I'd look over at my unusual daughter. She kind of does her own thing (like me, only much more cheerfully.) She'd be smiling, or we'd be laughing about the odd woman security guard who almost ran into us, and looked at my daughter very puzzlingly. Or laughing about any number of odd little things we'd see or one of us would do. It's pretty much always that way when her and I get together.... After a while, and we didn't have that long, I asked her if she'd like to get some ice cream. Yes! Well, the place in the mall, or another closer to home.. She wanted to go to the one by home.. So we went off, and actually there are two by home. I was glad she found Dairy Queen alright... It's homey, and there's one guy in there, who always smiles. You can't imagine how happy a young guy can be working at Dairy Queen. I get a kick out of him, every time. I remember the first time I saw him, a few months back.. I was going through the drive-through and had ordered a quart of vanilla ice cream.. I usually get mixed chocolate and vanilla, but for a little while there, vanilla just tasted home-made ice cream yummy. I got up to the window, and he was all enthusiastic and looked happy. "I know you're having vanilla, but just so you know for next time, we also have chocolate, mixed chocolate and vanilla, and pumpkin," with a huge smile.. Ha haha... They only have the oddball flavors for a little while now and then.. Of course, I knew they had other flavors... I also knew that sometimes, the chocolate "freezes" up, and they can only give you vanilla... I'd been going there for years and years.. But he was so proud of that, and happy with himself for telling me of all the other flavors I could get, if I was in the mood, that I played along... "Oh good, thanks!" Luckily, last night, my daughter and I found him there.. Although he was running around doing the drive-throughs, so we didn't get to talk to him. Still, as he rushed by to get something out of the freezer, I pointed him out to my daughter, "There, he's the one..." He performed admirably too, smiling enthusiastically, and warmly, as he passed us quickly. Our server, after she'd finished this four sundae order for a guy who just rushed in the door ahead of us (ugh!) was this really big girl.. Not that big around, but just big. Later, after things slowed down and she was out cleaning tables, I wondered if that girl would find her guy, and who? He'd have to be really big too. I mean, she seemed nice enough. I just couldn't imagine, who would romance *her*... As we were getting our order, a chocolate/vanilla cone dipped in chocolate for me, and a butterscotch sundae with extra topping for my daughter, this really annoyed, uppity looking young tall-ish blonde woman was waiting impatiently behind us. Ack, she made me feel kind of rushed. I don't know why, maybe just the rudeness of her attitude. Fortunately, our order was ready quickly.. We went over and fortunately my daughter wanted a booth too.. I like sitting in this DQ now and then. They've got a lot of plants inside and out, and you can kind of imagine being in some secluded spot, even though you're not really. I looked over my shoulder, and there was an older couple and small child.. The man, for some reason, was interesting. He didn't smile, and seemed a little scary to me somehow. After a couple minutes, the child's mother returned. I wondered if she was divorced, or just there without the dad... Divorce sucks. Oh well. After a while sitting there eating, and actually trying to be slow, to let my daughter eat her big sundae, I noticed that my seat in the booth would rock! I don't think it was supposed to rock, so of course I had to take advantage! Ha haa... I told my daughter, who quickly had to get up and join me on my side for a minute, to feel the rocking motion too... I looked back, and I don't think that strange man approved at all. In fact, I had glanced over previously, and each time I did, it seemed like he quickly looked over back at me. Like, "what are you looking at!?" But I couldn't help it, I kept doing it. His cold, hostile look over at me was interesting. I kind of wondered how I aroused that hostility. Plus, he was just a strange character, out of an old movie or something, and I had to see him while I had the chance. In all his somberness. My cone was excellent! Finally my charming, pretty daughter finished her sundae... She actually is pretty, and she knows it. I am not just saying that just because she's my daughter. And very charming, with a huge spark for life. Knowing we were already late in getting her home, we rushed out the door. As we walked towards my car, I looked in the window and saw the man I'd been spying while we were inside... He was smiling!!!! Yes, I told my daughter too, I left and he got happy! Amazing... When we arrived at their house, I got out, walked around my CRV, hugged her, and wished her a happy Valentines Day. Arriving home, I felt about twenty times better than before. Still do. I had so much energy when I got back.. I felt like a different person. I checked Laura's anti-linear brain blog, and found that she was restless, and thought maybe she'd make a CD or something.. "Yes," I thought, I could really, really use some "new" music in my CRV. Just "Rough CDR's".. I like those. They're quick, and invariably there end up being some great songs on them. I have a couple places I stick songs which I've found I liked, in maybe one listen, but haven't used on a CDR yet or anything. These are ones which don't fit into other catagories, not Bob Dylan, not reggae, not 1960s, not 1920s/1930s, etc.. I guess actually they're mostly 1990s/2000s songs. Various artists, no theme other than I liked them. I used to save a number of songs from local libraries, and still have a reservoir of the ones I like of those. The other group I dip into for "Rough CDRs" are ones I downloaded, previewed and saved - - having discarded many others. So, I reached in and put together two "Feb. 2002 Rough CDRs" last night, in about an hour! :-) I haven't gotten to listen yet, but those should give me something new to hear... Looking at "Feb. 2002 CDR 2" - - - 'Hung Up In You' - Madder Rose, 'Dura, Rapida y Hermosa' - Cinerama, 'Walking Wild in Your Firetime' - Jean Paul Sarte Experience, 'Mineral' - Buffalo Tom, 'Frozen Lake' - Buffalo Tom, 'Your Time Starts Now' - Cinerama, 'Real Summer' - Future Bible Heroes, 'Cure For Evil' - Hefner, 'Up With People' - Lambchop, 'Bob Wilson Anchorman' - Half Man Half Bisqcuit, 'Wildest Dream' - Melodie Group, 'Who Can You Trust' - Morcheeba, 'Randy Described Eternity' - Built To Spill, 'Instant Hit' - Slits, 'So Much for the Afterglow' - Everclear, 'Summerland' - Everclear, and 'Open Heart Surgery' - The Brian Jonestown Massacre. Wednesday, February 13, 2002
Availability  "Everybody can't be with everybody." I read that somewhere. That's true. It's way too confusing though. How does anyone ever end up with anyone? I mean, looking at the feminine variety of people around here, I can find potentially interesting ones. However, how often are they already attached? Almost always, it seems like. Now, the good ones are NOT all taken. I'm not buying that, and in fact, I think it's kind of a foolish statement. Like saying all the great looking single guys are gay. Now, maybe a number are, but that is far from all. Like far from all of the great girls out there are taken. But, damm it's hard to figure out which are which!!!!! Hmm, one thing about those on-line dating things. The guys outnumber the girls about 3 to 1. Great if you're a girl. Not so great if you're a guy!! But then, like I read somewhere else, it only takes one. Real true. One girl can make all the difference, in one's life. A picky girl might choose me, if somehow my particular weirdness appeals to her. I don't believe there is only one fish in the ocean for one person. Well maybe, but it seems to me if that was so, at least you would have one chance with that one fish, when she is unattached.. :-) More Headings "Love Can Set Us Free." "Life's Worth A Chance." "It's More Fun Together." 'You Never Know..." "We Might Click." "Think Of The Possibilities." Oooooeee, I need to preview more Pavement. I dug out a CDR this morning with a bunch of them on it. They fit one of my rocking out moods perfectly. Interesting, there are different sorts of rocking out moods. The Big Bass ones.. The crazy melodic kids ones (Pavement.) The sneering kind (L7 on the way to work this morning.. I can't take them very often, but for the occasional change of pace... they're kind of semi-evil though I think, so I don't go there much.) Sort of scary, like Sparklehorse... I've pretty much concluded that the Pixies just have too much dark energy for me. They were fun to consider though. Oh, I LOVE music. Tuesday, February 12, 2002
Telemarketers Ally, to telemarketer: "Now is not a good time, Shirley." Telemarketer: "Is there another time that would be better?" Ally: "How 'bout never? Is never good for you? How 'bout you give me your home number, Shirley, and I'll call you. Would that be all right? You annoying little bitch." Ha! My attitude on telemarketers exactly! Although they did influence me to finally get a digital answering machine, which is nice. Personals Headings Ha, I'm just thinking about a heading, if I should ever get myself to actually post a personal on line. "Not For Everyone." "We'll Go Off By Ourselves." "Odd But Cool." "Does Not Enjoy Meeting New People." (I guess that one doesn't sound so good, as ****she**** would be a new person, at first.) "The Love Of Your Life?" "One In Ten" (It's doubtful they'd think of the UB40 song, but maybe the chances of two people who think they like each other on-line to actually hit it off in person? I'm trying to be optimistic here.. ;-)) "Deceptively Normal Looking." (I like that, and it's very true.) Alison The guy next to me mentioned the name "Alison", which launched me into quietly singing a verse from the Elvis Costello song of the same name... Which always reminds me of a 19 year old girl, years ago, a short romance.. mmm. Why is it, my work friend try to hook me up with young women, who I might think logically, are "too young" for me? Is that a good thing? I think maybe it is, but I'm not sure. Hmm, seems like some songs come to mind a lot more often than others... Like Big Youth's 'Cool Breeze'. We get plenty of those, so that song goes through my head time after time, at least once a year I think. ... I was just thinking, I've never met a girl at a concert, dance or bar, who I ever really started a relationship with. Now, I've had some great times dancing, and met some passionate partners, but not really girlfriends there. You meet the opposite sex when you don't expect to, it's weird. Personal? OK, I am again thinking of doing an on-line personal. Hmm, why not? I met a woman through hers a while ago, but I've never done one myself. It seems like if one is shy, it might be good to do your own. Then, you hope someone else responds to you. The really good thing about a personal is, at least you know the person is "looking" or open to a relationship, too. That is, they are unattached. If they respond to your ad, then they must be interested at least a little. That's two major hurdles already taken care of... Yeah, I can almost talk myself into this... How? How does a shy, quiet, reclusive guy ever meet girls, around here? I know it's not impossible, because the last time I was unattached, that happened, now and then. I think I forgot how though! What little I knew before. No, I don't really want to socialize. I just want to meet a girl, a potential girlfriend. Hmm.. There are ways, things I've even thought of. How does one get oneself to actually "get out there" and try them though? Ugh! The funny thing is, when I was single, before, I used to think, "well they don't know what they're missing." Now, I know that's true. How can they? How can a girl have any idea if they'd be interested in you, if you never let them get to know you? It's sure not *their* fault! It Worked I think it worked... One of my light off and on reading books I've had out from the library for the last few weeks, and am slowly working through, is the "Old Farmer's Almanac Millenium Edition." They've got all these useful things in there, along with amusing features. I tried one of their tips over the weekend. Using the principle of water expanding by 10% when you freeze it, you can remedy shoes which are too tight. I put a plastic bag pushed deep into both of my too tight new black dress Rockports, and filled each with water, then froze them. A couple days later, actually yesterday, I thawed them out, removed the bags, and walla, my shoes fit better! Yes, it actually works. Pretty well at least.. Hmm, I need to make some new CDRs. I am half tempted to just throw a bunch of songs onto some CDs... ones I'd identified as keepers but never have done anything with. It's fast if you don't bother to try to pick things which go with each other. Well, I might make one themed CD. I was listening to one of my old "rough" CDRs this morning, and when the two a capella versions came on, they really struck me. I tend to either love or hate particular college acapella songs though, and most fall into the "hate" catagory for one reason or another.. I really love some of them though!! If I can get in the mood to wade through all the bad ones... Kind of like dating? I have such a wonderful attitude about that. ;-) "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." ( Philip K. Dick) Yeah, like God. |
