Just Dreaming |
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Saturday, January 19, 2002
The Spark Of Life  When I was laying in bed this morning, thinking about the day, and the rest of the "weekend" (I'll be working Monday, too,) at first I was feeling downtrodden. "Ugh, I'm not in the mood to go into work, and in fact, I'd just as soon sleep another few hours. It was a busy last couple weeks, and I could use it. Ugh." Then after a while, I thought, "hey this isn't so bad. Here I am laying in this nice warm waterbed, just lazily *thinking about* getting up. It's nice and dry in here (and rainy on my roof), quiet and dark. I have the luxury of sleeping in, as I don't need to be in to work at any particular early time on this day. This isn't so bad, at all..." It's easy for me to be thankful for the simple things, when I pause to reflect. I think I might have mentioned this before on my blog, after Thanksgiving, I'm not sure. Anyway, my Mom made us say what we were thankful for, and I was selected to go first. My response, "I'm thankful to be alive." Suddenly, it seemed as if most people at that table *thought* I was saying, "Well, there is nothing much good in my life right now, but I'm just thankful I'm still alive." However, that was not it, at all! No, no, not at all! I *am* thankful to be alive. I sit here, and I have the spark of life. If God hadn't chosen to create mankind, and in my case, me, in particular, I would not have the chance to experience *life*.. I *am* thankful to be alive... It's pretty cool. Slowly So far this feels like a very "King Of Nothing Never" day... I kept manually repeating that song on the way to work. After sleeping first an extra hour beyond my planned waking time, then another two hours, I finally layed in bed for one more hour before rousing myself for the day. The last hour was pretty good. I like waking up slowly, when I have the luxury. I must have gotten quite a bit of sleep in there. I feel sort of mildly sad today. Nothing like getting into work early and getting those few extra overtime tasks done, so you can get out and about and get on with your day! Past noon..Ahhh... Futile Early Bedtime It nearly never fails. I'm weary, low on sleep. So, hmm, I go to bed early! Set the alarm later, even. So, what happens? I wake up in the middle of the night, lose a couple hours sleep, give or take an hour... So, it's useless!! The only thing that really works for me is no schedule. That is, sleep until 2:00PM if I feel like it. Or maybe 5:00AM, or maybe 10:30AM. I don't buy that regular schedule stuff.. I mean, it would be nice. But it doesn't work for me!! Of course, my work most days must fit into a certain time frame, so.... OK, now I've been up for an hour and a half, how much longer will it be? Friday, January 18, 2002
Jingle-Jangle, That Old Triangle  Ohhhh, I'm in love with this song... thanks to Laura. :-) Bob Dylan's "Banks Of The Royal Canal." She sent me an excellent, dreamy, custom V/A CD with this one on it, and now I love it... However, here I sit and that CD sits in my boombox, elsewhere.. So, "hmm," I think.. "Wait, isn't that song on the Basement Tapes? Wait, I have the boot "A Tree With Roots", all four CDs, here.. Yes! It's there, on CD #2... Yum, I love it so... on "repeat"... Of course, I'd rather be laying on a rug in front of a glowing fire listening ;-) ... but I'll take it. Wintery Mess No, not two years in a row! Portland usually gets some dramatic weather in the winter, at least once each year. We might have a half inch thick coating of ice on all the naked tree twigs and bushes.. As pretty as it is, that isn't my preference though really. That ice is real good for falling down, walking. Or cars which slide into each other like bumper cars.. One year, the Willamette River, which cuts right through the middle of town, froze up. It was great, as it broke up, it looked like a bunch of icebergs floating around... Then there was the Christmas where it actually was white here. Mmm, I recall walking over to Gabriel Park in the dark quiet snow covered night that year... For here, it felt like a blizzard. Or, less fun but equally exciting, the big flood a few years back... Mud slides were blocking roads.. Trees and all sorts of odd things you don't usually see in a river were floating down that muddy Willamette, that year.. Now, why, why, why, do we get nothing. Nothing!! Two years in a row. Sure, this isn't Connecticut or anything... It is 'mild'... But we usually get at least one jolt a year!! Hmm, well, Tuesday morning, I watched big snow flakes falling out the windows for a few minutes... They quickly disappeared though. Oh, then my power went off that night, and I was left with two candles and the quiet. The power came back on two minutes later though (I shouldn't complain. It was freezing out and I have electric heat...) Come on, I want snow!!!! Snow, plenty of snow!!! I get a four wheel drive CRV and suddenly, two years in a row, no real snow!! Just a rainy wintery mess. I kind of love the rain too, but it gets boring!! Who You Are I just read this a couple days ago... "Tell me who admires you and loves you, and I will tell you who you are." (Charles Augustin Sainte-Beauve) I love that! I know I have the most wonderful best friend, who I admire a lot.. I've thought to myself I must be pretty OK, with her as my friend. I wonder if this includes one's children. I don't see why not. Wow, I hope this is really true.... Thursday, January 17, 2002
Close Call Yesterday  I think I'd put the event out of my mind, until today, my next door neighbor at work, Kelly, said something about my having survived to see another day. I was like, "What?" "You drive that blue car don't you?," he asked. Well, yes, my blue CRV. Turns out he'd seen me in the intersection of the only light I go through on the way home from work.. It's an awful, dangerous, scary intersection. People in both directions go at the same time, turning left, going right, etc, in five lanes altogether, with no turn signals, or anything.. So, being at the head of the line, I knew how the people coming my direction like to turn in front of me real quick, before I get started (well, before the usual people who are not so quick to realize a light has changed..) So, it turns green. I hesitate a little, in case the person is just determined to turn left in my face. I'd let them... Then I start to go, quickly, as is my usual... Then, hmm, I feel something. Something is not right at all. A car is coming out of nowhere, and going where it is not supposed to. Something is wrong. It was a little like that vague sense of unease one can get when they're nearby something evil. There's no time to think, no time to honk, no time to look. I stop quickly, and a car goes barreling from the side, left to right, directly in front of me. That car was apparently running the stop light, seconds after it had changed. Well... keeping my usual cool in such situations, I go about my business, say a quick prayer, and drive home... Although, the day up until that point had been a bad day really. Just not very good... It didn't get any better, until a few hours later, when my best friend spoke with me a while, and made me feel about ten times better... ;-) OK, so I go to work today, and I'm feeling chipper.. My friend appeared in my dream too, just before I woke up.. Yeah, I felt good all day, getting things done, going out to lunch with a couple guys, spreading cheer around... But while I was over getting coffee, my neighbor Kelly commented about my traffic indident the night before. Kelly told me he'd seen the drama unfold, as he was right behind me. Apparently, David, another guy who works with us, was right behind him in his car, watching. David told him later, he was thinking as he watched, "that blue car is going to get creamed." Whoa, that was me in that "blue car"... Thank God I realized, just in time.. Which makes me think of that Buju Banton song, "Close One Yesterday." "I had a close one yesterday...{God} put an angel over me.." Wednesday, January 16, 2002
Torn Hmm, it's really starting to drive me crazy... My body is crying out for that woman, who isn't there beside me. No, not any specific woman I know of, who at least is somewhat available.. Definitely a woman though. Oh, I struggle.. "Matthew, you know there is this one, you could be next to her, for sure... or how about that one?" Yes, yes, but I don't really care for those particular ones very much! I wouldn't want friendship, with them, or any relationship except for..... And what about them, how would they feel, after it played out.. Oh man, I hate it. Why can't you just find someone you love, who loves you, and yes! Go for it with all your heart! Yeah, fine, but my body keeps telling me, "now, find someone. Now. Not when it is meant to be. Now. It's time." Hmmm, I'm really torn. *That* gets me down, sometimes.. Tuesday, January 15, 2002
King Of Nothing Never Frosty morning, 24 degrees out.... I had a funny feeling when I commented yesterday on all the good dreams I was having with women in them. So, last night, I woke about 1:00AM, from a fairly stressful dream in which I was having an argument with a woman at work. (Hmm, I think it was the pepper.. Too much black pepper for dinner.) Hmm, I was just thinking.. When a woman's face smiles at you, that's pleasing. :-) Of course, it helps if she's pretty. "She has a pleasing face. It smiles at me." I want one. (Oh, "King Of Nothing Never" is one of my favourite Lambchop songs..., I love it this morning.) Monday, January 14, 2002
Good, Let's Hope! At least Philips thinks the new CD copyright protection technology will die of it's own accord... I hope they're right.. It just doesn't seem like a very good thing. I mean, if I buy a CD, I can't make an MP3 copy of it then, to play on my PC, and take less room to work with? Bits and Pieces I find it amusing how bits and pieces from one's life can make it into your dreams. Like, I have never used a wheelchair (as far as I can recall), and certainly wouldn't if I didn't need one. However, I was reading recently about how they had a problem at Disneyland, with people getting into wheelchairs, that didn't need them, just to get in front of the line for rides. I liked Disneyland a lot better, when they made you use actual tickets at each ride.. In those days, the good rides didn't take so very long to get on to. Now, it's like, "hurry up and wait." So I don't go there... well for other reasons too. Last time, I was thinking, "there are so many other real places in the world I'd rather spend my money at..." Anyway, I would never do that trick with the wheelchair at Disneyland or anywhere else... But that must be where my dream got the idea. The girl at the end, blurting out "I love you", hmm, well my daughter does that all the time. She's not in high school yet, but that's very like her.. Do other people have this happen? I notice things pop in from movies too. Or an old girlfriend from way back (although she's stayed out of them for a while.. :-)) No, these days, I keep getting women, or sometimes girls, who I don't know. It's kind of nice. :-) So does that mean I'll be moving into a house with four women? :-) I've never done *that* before! And what about the bus? I never take the bus! Well I did, many years ago.. Well, if you do have to take the bus, at least they could play *your* favourite music on the journey! It's cool having girls, women, in my dreams. Those dreams are fun and interesting. I never know quite what's going to happen.... I Dreamed, Girls Again I dreamed I was in a wheelchair, zipping up a hill.. It was a manual wheelchair but I didn't have any difficulty going. Then I came up to a bus stop, and there were four high school girls there, waiting already. I got up out of my lightweight wheelchair and folded it up. I had some CDs with me too, three of four, that my friend Laura had made for me... The bus came up and all I had was a twenty. The driver said he didn't have any change, but it was OK for me to ride anyway. then I looked more and found a couple dollar bills, and paid him. The girls told me the bus had something new, a multiple CD stereo system, and you could put your own in it if you wanted. Somehow, they got my CDs and put them in that player. I probably wouldn't have done it myself but they were all excited and had my CDs in that player before I knew it. Then, they all went giggling off into their own part of the bus. This *was* an unusual city bus. The windows were mostly darkened out.. (I was thinking, "How am I supposed to know when I get to my stop!?") Looking around, I noticed there were some places where one could lay and listen to the music. So of course I did. I just laid there on my back, legs crossed, listening to the music... when one of *my* songs came on the jukebox CD player. That was sweet. I think the girls liked my music too. Well, after a little while, somehow I could tell I was near my stop. "Oh no!" I thought. "I have to get my CDs out of that player, quickly." So I went over, finding three CDs, but thinking there was a fourth, and panicking that I couldn't find it. "Someone has stolen it!" I thought. This was doubly bad, because it was a special CD from my friend, and of course, I never would want to lose one of those ever. I told the girls, they didn't know what had happened to it. I kept frantically searching, as the bus had stopped and was still, about two miles beyond my stop. I had about given up, when one of the girls came back in, with a partly wrapped CD. She had found it! I said real quick, "Thanks, you're sweet!" I was just happy that she found it, and actually came back into that bus to give it to me Then she blurted out, "I love you!" before she rushed off. Ha! Alright, well it was interesting at the time. This is the third dream I have had with girl characters in, in the last couple weeks or so. The first one was with a woman counselor (which I have none of in real life) who suddenly sat on my lap at the end of our session! It was awkward, but I liked that part....In the second dream I had apparently just moved into a house with four women, and two of them (and me) were planning a trip to the coast together, when I was awoken! Ahh, that could have been fun! |
